I have cried a lot the past few weeks from not knowing what I am going to do about not having a job and not being able to pay my bills to not knowing where I am going to end up with the people in my life. I know my family has my back and they are not going to let me fail; I just wish I didn't need their help. I like being independent and on my own. I can't pay my car payment or my electric bill or anythis else because I can't seem to get back on my feet and out of this hole I have fallen into. Of course seeing me on a daily basis you wouldn't know it because I think I do pretty well with keeping a smile on my face and being happy and strong for everyone but the truth is all I want to do is throw up and cry myself to the bottem of a liquor bottle.
You see in my family we all have very addicting personalities. We have to be strong not to get sucked into something that we have seen other members of our family get out of. In my family once you make that decision to travel your way to the bottem of that bottle there is nothing else to do after but throw that bottle away and grab the next one. At this moment I wish more then anything I can who have a drink right now at 1:44pm and just go home and watch tv and sleep but I know the only thing that will come of that is me being even more depressed and crying a lot more then I already do. So what do I do everyday? I get up take a shower, have breakfast, put on makeup and clothes and I leave the house to do nothing. That seems to be the only way from falling even further. Yessir, it's what has to be done. I have to make myself do something that is going to keep my mind off everything. My next stop for this mission to keep me smiling is to head to the library so off I go to make my world a little less depressing.
Or in the words of my mother. I am building my bridge and getting over it.
No comments:
Post a Comment